


Strand of Guilt

by Irhaboggles



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, Death, Despair, Execution, Pain, Thorn - Freeform, Tragedy, fable, spider - Freeform, spider's thread, strand of agony, vine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:00:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29416038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irhaboggles/pseuds/Irhaboggles
Summary: Did they really think she took any pleasure in this? Or that this was the path she would've chosen if she'd had the power? Of course not! Kirumi loathed having to turn against her loved ones! It was the worst of torture! But she'd made too many mistakes already. She could afford no more. She had to cut away that strand of guilt and keep going, no matter the cost... or the agony.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 1





	Strand of Guilt

"Is that why you took such good care of us? So you could deceive everyone?" Angie asked Kirumi, but before either of them could say more, the other students quickly chimed in with their own disbelief and outrage. Only Shuichi seemed to have an inkling of understanding.

"I don't think so… I still believe Kirumi cares about us," he said. "I can sense that this class trial has been agonizing for her…" The detective finally turned to address the maid personally. "Kirumi… are you upset… because of the people important to you?"

The students anxiously awaited her answer, some of them even weeping in despair, but Kirumi only gave them all a sad, steadfast smile. The wildly diverse reactions of the class perfectly mirrored Kirumi's own inner turmoil. _Was_ she sorry for what she'd done? Well, yes _and_ no. Of course she felt bad about killing, lying and betraying. Of course she hated causing pain, and turning her back on people she cared about. Of course none of this had been easy. Of course she'd been miserable. In fact, it had felt like being torn in half, the head and heart battling for dominance. And even though the head had won, the heart still grieved deeply.

But at the same time, Kirumi had no regrets. She believed strongly in duty, autonomy, maturity and responsibility. Because of that, even if she was given the chance, she wouldn't change a single thing she'd done (except perhaps being more careful so that she wouldn't be caught). But other than that, she had no regrets. She would just move forward and act, even if it meant killing her friends. As she would even say later, "I would bear the burden of being seen as evil for the sake of my nation and its people!" But just because she was willing to stand by her decision, no matter how uncomfortable it was, that didn't mean she was proud of it…

Guilt and remorselessness were both in her heart as she tried to explain. It was like a vine wrapping around itself, the remorselessness and guilt intertwining repeatedly and endlessly.

"In that moment, my determination solidified," she said, but she wasn't just talking about Ryoma. She was also talking about her motive video.

At first, the guilt had triumphed.

"No, this can't be true!" she gasped, covering her mouth with a gloved hand as the memories came flooding back. She could only stare blankly at the screen, even after the video had ended. Tears streamed down her face, but she wasn't anymore aware of them than she was of the blank Kubs Pad.

But after long enough, everything suddenly went in reverse. The frozen Kirumi came alive with anger and agony. An overwhelming inferno of emotion threatened to burn her alive and all she could do was pace and pace and pace and pace. It was like watching a caged animal. That first little strand of guilt had slithered its way into her heart, and all the rest of the despair came following after. The poor maid had spent the entire night in agony, pacing and panting and shaking and crying. Sometimes, she'd even cursed out in her despair. Or she'd collapsed under the weight of the growing horror, hugging herself as if she were trying to keep her very body from breaking apart.

By morning, though, her determination solidified. Despite all the doubts of the previous night, remorselessness settled in and she began to make her plan. She resigned herself to the task ahead and did her best to quiet her aching heart. Silencing the intense agony until it was no more than a single strand of guilt once again, the maid allowed her cold, calculating nature to take over. She hadn't been joking when she'd said she believed in owning up to one's actions. If she _had_ to kill, she was going to take complete control of the operation and decide every last twist and turn.

But as much as the maid could try, she'd never have complete control over the situation. No, there was no such thing as a victory here tonight. Either she completed her objective and killed off all her classmates, or she allowed them to live at the cost of failing her prior mission. She was stuck between a rock and a hard place. No matter what choice she made, there was going to be despair. Kill her friends, or the country.

But in a strange way, that was part of what helped her get through it all. If she was destined to lose something no matter what choice she made, then there was no clear-cut better option. Her decision to kill her classmates was no less heinous than the alternative. Or perhaps, she was only telling herself that in attempt to keep that strand of guilt from growing… Guilt would only hinder her. As such, she cast it aside just as she'd cast aside all her other emotions so many times before. Although she loathed the thought of hurting her friends, the world did not care about her feelings.

But now here she stood, her web unwinding, all her carefully laid plans laid to waste. The strand of guilt returned, sharper than before. It wasn't just guilt, though, for what she'd nearly put her classmates through. Nor was it a regret that she'd been caught. It was a tired sort of guilt that seemed to say, "I'm so sorry I was never enough… for anyone." And as she surveyed her classmates, her eyes glazed over in sorrow. This was not a path she ever would've chosen of her own volition, and she still felt a bitter sting of anger that _this_ was how it all had to end. She'd failed everyone.

But it was only a _strand_ of guilt, after all, and even though Kirumi did believe in owning up to one's actions, she did not necessarily mean it in a traditional sense. Instead, she meant that she was going to milk it for all it was worth. Even after she'd been caught, she wasn't ready to quit. She even told the students as much, after trying one last time to trick them into aiding her escape. They would forever remember that final act as one of disloyalty, but she would remember it as one of principle. She'd cast aside her love of them for the sake of an entire country, and it hadn't been easy at all. No one, in her mind, had any right to judge her after she'd made such painful sacrifices.

_I was willing to sacrifice them for this! I was willing to sacrifice my relationship with them for this!_ Fury and grief swirled around her mind.

Kirumi truly had loved all of her classmates. She had felt so deeply and so fondly for every single one of them. But Kirumi had not wanted it to come to this. Not at all. And the worst agony in the world was being forced to raise a hand against the people she loved and wished to serve. But when duty called, what could she do except obey? But what hurt her the most was knowing that despite all her best efforts, she'd lost.

And even worse, the people whom she still cared about so deeply and sincerely would only ever remember her as a monster now. Even if some of them understood her train of thought, the fact that she had to continue trying to thwart them was only going to soil her memory in their eyes. But when one carried the weight of the world on their shoulders, what could they do except kneel?

Kirumi had sacrificed so much of her joy for everyone else's sake that all that remained now was rage. And to her very last breath, she fought. But once again, despite all her effort, it was useless. That strand of guilt was just too strong. Despite being little more than a strand, it bound her in place. It crept into her mind and took root. Then it snapped beneath her weight and finally sent her spiraling overboard, one last time.

The fall felt like eternity. But even as she tumbled through the darkness, that one little strand of guilt kept her rooted.

_This is all your fault Kirumi, you failed. You lost. You could not perform up to standard and now everyone might die because of you._ That one final regret, that one last failure, kept her tethered to her pain and suffering. She hadn't done good enough, and now everyone would suffer because of it…

But in the very last milliseconds before Kirumi crashed into the ground, she couldn't help but hope…

_Now that I have lost, even if my failures have doomed a nation, the others still live. They still_ -

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Sorry for another dark one. But I do genuinely think Kirumi felt bad for what she had to do. Yes, she still did it. But I think she was hiding guilt under anger. Or, just take this to be the softer interpretation of her since some of my other fics took the harsher one.


End file.
